We all know the famous quote from The Perks of Being a Wallflower that we once scribbled in our notebooks:
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
And I agree—it’s true. You won’t hear me say it’s not. But what if it’s not always true?
I’ve dealt with some shitty friends, lovers, and family members, and I’ve put up with it—not necessarily because I thought it was what I deserved. Most of the time, I knew I deserved better. Even with the doubts I’ve had about myself, I knew I deserved better than the way I was treated.
So why did I accept it?
That’s something I’ve always wondered. Like, Why are we putting up with this, Bri? And it always boils down to:
They need help. They need love. Acceptance. I can do that. I can help them. I can fix them.
But here’s what I’ve learned: You cannot help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. And really, you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to fully change—including yourself.
I’ve met people—and been the person—who wants help but doesn’t want to actually change. Because let’s be honest: it’s easier to sit in the mess and wallow than it is to get up and do the hard thing.
For me, the hard thing always is walking away.
And because I don’t walk away, because I don’t put myself first, I end up doing something shitty. I end up looking like the bad guy. Because in my mind, I’ve already detached from the person and the situation—I’m just there for them, not for me. Trying to be whatever they need me to be.
So, here’s the point:
Learn to walk away.
Because if you don’t, you’ll end up out of character. Someone will take you there. You’ll find yourself doing and saying things you normally wouldn’t. Or worse, you’ll become a shitty person yourself, weighed down by your own resentment.
Walk away.
Whether you love them or you don’t. Whether they need help or they don’t. No matter who they are—best friend, baby daddy, brother, job.
If it no longer serves you, go.
Now, we’ve all heard, “People aren’t here to serve you or cater to you.” And yeah, that’s true. No codependency. No unhealthy attachments.
BUT.
If you’re surrounded by people who will never put you first, who don’t value your connection, who won’t support, uplift, or encourage you—they are not for you.
All they’re doing is putting you in a position where you question yourself and your worth.
If the people around you aren’t helping you elevate, go. If they don’t make you feel safe, leave.
Because if you stay, you’ll eventually find yourself in a situation you don’t want to be in—whether that’s staying in a toxic relationship and ending up pregnant, becoming a bitter person who hurts others, or relapsing into bad habits.
Things will happen when we don’t communicate our hurt and, when necessary, walk away.
And let’s be real—most people don’t even realize they’re hurting you unless you say something. No one is a mind reader. But in this generation, we ghost, we gossip, we bottle things up.
Me included.
I’ve stayed silent just to save face, just to keep the connection alive. And then I let two years of unspoken hurt pile up, feeling justified in my own wrongdoings because let’s say last November they did something shitty to me.
No, girl. That’s not how it works.
9.9 times out of 10, they didn’t even know they hurt me—because I never communicated it.
Don’t shrink your emotions down to keep a friend or a partner. If they are hurting you, talk to them about it. And if nothing changes, leave.
Because the alternative?
You either hurt them back out of resentment, or you hurt yourself trying to love them.
Neither is healthy. Neither is worth it.
That’s why I’m in my “Let Go, Let God, Let Them” era.
No more watering dead connections. No more saving face. No more letting my hurt turn into hate.
I’m turning the page. I’m trying to grow.
I’m learning. Apologizing. Letting go.
