Dating in Your 20s in the 2020s Might Be the Worst Era Ever
No longing, no romance, no effort.
But don’t worry—I’m not about to sit here crying about being single. The point of this isn’t even about dating. It just got me thinking, which led to more thinking, so… hear me out. Hahaha.
It’s funny how much things have changed when it comes to dating and finding connections. We shop for partners the same way we shop for groceries, which is insane. I know for me, I’m so much more than a profile picture, my zodiac sign, and some dumb joke I put in my bio. But surface-level and superficial—that’s all we really have to work with.
It’s laughable, especially because 90% of people will go on and on about how much depth they crave and how deep they are. Yet somehow, everyone is struggling to find it? Make it make sense. Either people are lying about wanting depth, or they’re struggling to maintain it.
We can all say we want something, even crave it, but do we have the emotional intelligence, understanding, and selflessness it takes to sustain these connections? Or do we feel unworthy of the very thing we claim to desire? Honestly, I think that’s the case most of the time.
How many of us self-sabotage? Or how many of our friends do? Probably all of us—maybe not always, but definitely at some point. That’s been true for me, especially in looooveee (well, in all relationships, really). It’s something I’ve had to work on, in dating and in life in general. But I’ve learned that I am worthy and deserving of good things—and so are you. My inability to recognize that before definitely played a role in some of my experiences.
It’s important to acknowledge our own shortcomings. Sometimes, we are the reason things don’t work out. Sometimes, we are the ones holding ourselves back. Our own doubts ruin our plans before they even start. Our minds shape our reality. If we keep doubting and belittling ourselves, we limit ourselves. We change the way we act, how we see ourselves, and how we see the world.
And when we judge others based on our own warped perceptions, they often become exactly what we expect—because not all thoughts are based on reality.
This ties into the Illusory Truth Effect and Confirmation Bias.
The Illusory Truth Effect suggests that we’re more likely to believe something just because we’ve heard it repeatedly, even if it isn’t true. Our brains equate familiarity with truth, making us vulnerable to misinformation—especially when we’re exposed to it over and over. In other words, what we keep telling ourselves eventually becomes our reality.
The Confirmation Bias effect explains how people tend to accept information that aligns with what they already believe—even if it’s false—while rejecting anything that contradicts their views. Meaning that if we plant a negative seed in our minds about something (ourselves, others, love, success, anything), it eventually becomes our truth. This can lead to self-doubt, self-sabotage, and a whole mess of other issues.
So, sometimes, it’s not even about what others do or say—it’s about us. Where our mind is. What we choose to believe.
Recognizing patterns in ourselves and taking accountability is key. Because yes, other people can hurt us—but sometimes, we’re the ones standing in our own way.
And that applies to everything. Relationships, career, creativity, self-worth. How many things have we talked ourselves out of? How many friendships have we let die because we assumed the other person didn’t care? How many dreams have we abandoned because we convinced ourselves we weren’t good enough?
We don’t just sabotage love—we sabotage opportunity, growth, happiness. We let fear and old narratives run the show, and then we act surprised when life feels stagnant.
At some point, we have to stop waiting for proof that we’re worthy, capable, and enough. We have to that we are. We have to stop letting outdated beliefs and unhealed wounds dictate our future.
Because if we keep feeding ourselves the same story, we’ll keep living the same reality. And personally? I’d rather not let my self-doubt have that much power over me. (Ever Again.)
So, are we actually gonna start believing in & executing something better for ourselves? Or are we just gonna keep playing small and calling it fate?
I know my answer.
How about you?
